A major theme that I am meant to explore this year is inner work. Illuminating the shadow. My solar return stellium in the 12th house does not lie.
And the excavation has already begun. I am unearthing the parts of me that were once buried, holding them up to the light and reclaiming them as my own even when I’m afraid to look.
It is a process of declaring the unsavory fragments that I previously severed as worthy of love.
I can see myself clearly for the first time. Objectively. Where before this vision of who I am was obscured in a haze of smoke and mirrors.
In my hands I hold the tangled dichotomy within. The moral and the vulgar intertwined. I declare it a perfectly imperfect masterpiece. Resisting the prickling urge to fix or change. To fall into that archaic trap I used to set for myself, that impossible test I am destined to fail…“becoming” my ideal self.
Model 2.0
Guaranteed to be nicer. skinnier. better. more productive. She’s everything for everyone.
That glossy persona of purity and integrity. Life in plastic, it’s fantastic.
Like Icarus I am doomed to fly too close to the sun. My Libra rising fervently spurs me on, only to singe my wings on the inferno of my inevitable indulgence and plummet into the abyss of self-loathing.
Why bother with this pursuit of hollow perfection, where emptiness and loneliness are your constant companions, like two hungry cats vying for your affections? Where no one knows the real you because you only let them see the mask.
Let it slip.
All that glitters is not gold. The shadow is the key to wholeness.
“The day you stop racing is the day you win the race.”
m e t a m o r p h o s i s
Now I stand before you bare-faced and raw. Each day a little closer to resembling my authentic self. Is that not the purpose of life? Individuation.
I have finally woken up. A thunderous applause for Snow White in reverse. It is not the Prince’s kiss that has revived me, but my own poison.
What is the difference between poison and medicine? The line is too grey to discern. The same deadly toxins that may be used to harm can also be used to heal. Antivenom, flu shots, botox, bee stings. Your shadow.
Who are you?
White Swan
Black Swan
Two sides of the same coin.
I am both.
